Only a mothe r could love this liver
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
