Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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