Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
