when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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