just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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