I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
