Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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