so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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