and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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