She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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