he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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