Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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