I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
