he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
