life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
