Pappa wants mamma naked
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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