scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
