Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
