Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
