I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My balls are so social today.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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