6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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