piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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