Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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