Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
