Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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