I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
