We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ketchup is God's man juice
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
