Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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