please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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