we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
