Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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