Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
