: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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