There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
