ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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