Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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