It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
