Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
