I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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