I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
