i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
