i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
