Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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