Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
