I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
