honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
