I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
