...so i touched it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
try to milk me bitch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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