He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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