apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Pooping to opera.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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