so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
