Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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