K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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