Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i believe in u and ur pee
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize