i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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