It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
